Some days, you are liquid. Flushed, flashed, and fluid. Most days, you abhor. Drank, shrank, and sore. Real days, a bore. *Travel posts to follow. My life was travel-lagged lately. Credits to those who went fluid to the brim with meh. My soul overflowed with love and prayers.* [photo mix: ip6s x bnw edit x various QC | Rizal places x ctto is meh]
A recent travel in the social media sphere led me to an enlightening conversation with this young lady [that others probably have no idea of. No one really knows how close I am with people dear to me]. She did have an exciting thought bubble to explore: of me and my healing; me and my pain; me and my recent struggle to relearn my driving [and that NLEX is the perfect place to road trip {ergo the convoy. Haha} now that I can pick up the ladies to go anywhere and waste gas. Wait. I’ll get there]. A good realization is my take on building relationships [various types]; of how selflessness has taken its toll on my mental capacity to understand and my emotional capacity to love. It was a good conversation, just like any random intellectual discussions with people who can get into my soul. Seldom, very seldom do people see who I really am. The Pisces in me. What was enlightening were the realizations that made me rethink my “life” travel plans. I mean can you really find a person who will understand who you really are and actually travel with you anywhere and everywhere without even getting overwhelmed with your world? Hmmm... quite amused with this unintentional discovery of me and my intent to relearn who I am. Thank you, convo[y] lady. 🤣 I am traveling alone now. But seriously, I think i am never alone now. As if the world conspires to remove me from the thought that I am alone and that there is only one person who will be there for me [well apparently not. Haha]. And that every attempt to be alone brings me friends who push themselves right into my life, again. I requested from Him not to give me another j**k and a**hole please. Not anymore. And I guess He listens well. Thank you, 👆. I may be broken, but no one can fix me. And I do not need people fixing who I am. I am who I am. No more hiding my self now. No more “image-driven” cleansing of myself. I will never conform to the norms that he put in my head. Because this conversation with this lady changed me. And as she said, HALLELUJAH. For those who burned holes in my heart, thank you. Even if you didn’t care what I felt and didn’t even consider me in every action made. And that I may forgive, because I always do, but the world will not. And I cannot save you from this mess you tried to put yourselves in. I hope you won’t get the same pain I had. Because no one deserves this. [photo from IG, #goodquotes] Me in the Calm. Beach. Sings. You in the Evil. Dinner. Laughs. Us in the back. Us in Black. [end] [Cebu x 2017 x Nikon D90 x Meh]
Today I left Manila (and was lucky enough to be able to do so regardless of the horrible storm) and was able to finally feel, that it is time to let go of this pain.
I believe that I have too much love to share to the world. I will continuously believe that this love should not be reiterated as my weakness, daily. I will be ok. Atleast, I hope so. S̸o̸ ̸t̸o̸d̸a̸y̸ ̸i̸s̸ ̸t̸h̸e̸ ̸d̸a̸y̸ ̸(̸a̸n̸d̸ ̸t̸h̸e̸ ̸l̸a̸s̸t̸ ̸d̸a̸y̸)̸ ̸w̸h̸e̸n̸ ̸y̸o̸u̸ ̸t̸r̸a̸v̸e̸l̸ ̸t̸o̸ ̸t̸e̸l̸l̸ ̸t̸h̸e̸ ̸w̸o̸r̸l̸d̸ ̸t̸h̸a̸t̸ ̸y̸o̸u̸ ̸f̸i̸n̸a̸l̸l̸y̸ ̸l̸e̸t̸ ̸g̸o̸ ̸o̸f̸ ̸a̸ ̸d̸i̸s̸r̸e̸s̸p̸e̸c̸t̸f̸u̸l̸ ̸l̸i̸a̸r̸.̸ ̸A̸ ̸p̸a̸t̸h̸o̸l̸o̸g̸i̸c̸a̸l̸ ̸l̸i̸a̸r̸.̸ (̸W̸h̸y̸ ̸w̸o̸u̸l̸d̸ ̸I̸ ̸e̸v̸e̸n̸ ̸b̸e̸ ̸b̸l̸i̸n̸d̸e̸d̸ ̸b̸y̸ ̸h̸e̸r̸ ̸u̸n̸b̸r̸e̸a̸k̸a̸b̸l̸e̸ ̸w̸a̸y̸s̸ ̸o̸f̸ ̸p̸o̸s̸t̸i̸n̸g̸ ̸a̸n̸d̸ ̸u̸s̸i̸n̸g̸ ̸H̸i̸s̸ ̸n̸a̸m̸e̸ ̸t̸o̸ ̸h̸i̸d̸e̸ ̸h̸e̸r̸ ̸u̸n̸a̸d̸u̸l̸t̸e̸r̸a̸t̸e̸d̸ ̸t̸r̸a̸p̸ ̸o̸f̸ ̸m̸a̸n̸i̸p̸u̸l̸a̸t̸i̸o̸n̸?̸)̸ B̸e̸c̸a̸u̸s̸e̸ ̸p̸r̸o̸t̸e̸c̸t̸i̸n̸g̸ ̸t̸h̸e̸ ̸w̸r̸o̸n̸g̸ ̸p̸e̸o̸p̸l̸e̸ ̸w̸i̸l̸l̸ ̸n̸e̸v̸e̸r̸ ̸l̸e̸t̸ ̸t̸h̸e̸m̸ ̸l̸e̸a̸r̸n̸.̸ (̸a̸n̸d̸ ̸y̸o̸u̸ ̸s̸h̸o̸u̸l̸d̸ ̸s̸t̸o̸p̸ ̸t̸h̸i̸n̸k̸i̸n̸g̸ ̸t̸h̸e̸y̸ ̸a̸r̸e̸ ̸o̸t̸h̸e̸r̸w̸i̸s̸e̸.̸ ̸b̸e̸c̸a̸u̸s̸e̸ ̸t̸h̸e̸y̸ ̸n̸e̸v̸e̸r̸ ̸w̸i̸l̸l̸.̸ ̸t̸h̸e̸y̸ ̸w̸i̸l̸l̸ ̸c̸o̸n̸t̸i̸n̸u̸e̸ ̸t̸o̸ ̸h̸i̸d̸e̸ ̸i̸n̸ ̸H̸i̸s̸ ̸n̸a̸m̸e̸ ̸t̸h̸r̸o̸u̸g̸h̸ ̸s̸o̸c̸i̸a̸l̸ ̸m̸e̸d̸i̸a̸ ̸m̸a̸s̸k̸s̸ ̸t̸h̸a̸t̸ ̸p̸e̸o̸p̸l̸e̸ ̸w̸i̸l̸l̸ ̸b̸e̸l̸i̸e̸v̸e̸ ̸i̸n̸.̸)̸ M̸a̸y̸ ̸G̸o̸d̸ ̸b̸l̸e̸s̸s̸ ̸h̸e̸r̸ ̸s̸o̸u̸l̸.̸ ̸ (̸b̸u̸t̸ ̸I̸ ̸d̸o̸u̸b̸t̸ ̸s̸h̸e̸ ̸w̸i̸l̸l̸ ̸c̸h̸a̸n̸g̸e̸,̸ ̸s̸h̸e̸ ̸n̸e̸v̸e̸r̸ ̸w̸i̸l̸l̸.̸)̸ S̸o̸ ̸t̸o̸d̸a̸y̸,̸ ̸I̸ ̸t̸r̸a̸v̸e̸l̸ ̸t̸o̸ ̸w̸a̸l̸k̸ ̸a̸w̸a̸y̸ ̸f̸r̸o̸m̸ ̸h̸e̸r̸.̸ (̸a̸n̸d̸ ̸t̸h̸e̸n̸ ̸I̸ ̸r̸e̸a̸l̸i̸z̸e̸d̸,̸ ̸I̸ ̸d̸o̸ ̸n̸o̸t̸ ̸n̸e̸e̸d̸ ̸t̸o̸ ̸t̸a̸l̸k̸ ̸t̸o̸ ̸e̸x̸p̸o̸s̸e̸ ̸i̸t̸,̸ ̸b̸e̸c̸a̸u̸s̸e̸ ̸e̸v̸e̸r̸y̸o̸n̸e̸ ̸k̸n̸e̸w̸.̸ ̸I̸ ̸w̸a̸s̸ ̸t̸h̸e̸ ̸o̸n̸l̸y̸ ̸o̸n̸e̸ ̸b̸l̸i̸n̸d̸e̸d̸.̸ ̸E̸V̸E̸R̸Y̸O̸N̸E̸ ̸K̸N̸E̸W̸ ̸W̸H̸O̸ ̸S̸H̸E̸ ̸I̸S̸.̸ ̸E̸v̸e̸n̸ ̸t̸h̸e̸ ̸p̸e̸o̸p̸l̸e̸ ̸o̸u̸t̸s̸i̸d̸e̸ ̸o̸u̸r̸ ̸c̸o̸m̸f̸o̸r̸t̸ ̸z̸o̸n̸e̸.̸ ̸E̸v̸e̸r̸y̸o̸n̸e̸ ̸k̸n̸e̸w̸ ̸t̸h̸a̸t̸ ̸s̸h̸e̸ ̸i̸s̸ ̸a̸ ̸l̸i̸a̸r̸.̸)̸ This website uses marketing and tracking technologies. Opting out of this will opt you out of all cookies, except for those needed to run the website. Note that some products may not work as well without tracking cookies. Opt Out of CookiesAfter months of being idle, I write again. I was actually writing daily (but not here) and you know how life is when you read a lot of texts and control all the subtexts in your head. The PhD li(f)e.
Today I realised how weak I am. For this post, I included a photo of one travel I did in the Meadows, just taken off my writing load and decided to walk to the park while everybody back home was sleeping, idle, or just awake but had no intention to send a shout out. I usually walk in the park with my friend, who has constantly struggled, just like moi, in a life with less friends- a setting we discusss as the comfort zone we surely miss back in our homelands. We try to avoid the anxiety caused thereof by these types of walk- this time with a 360 camera just so we can capture the fun colors of the Meadows during sunset (yes, a random camera again. The things that are so different but look so enticing to play with). Living away from your country causes the unease on anything and everything. But now, this photo explains it all. Sadness and letting go is normal. Because there are people who will always choose to cause you pain. And you just pray that they go away or change and stay. And yes, not all photos are happy. Sometimes curating everything is a lie. Show the world the real thing, because being weak is normal. But learn to remove all the liars in your life. You deserve better people. I’ll smile again. |
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